messy

i'm not a fan of anything messy...whether it is describing a room or a difficult situation, i'm simply not a fan. you see, i'd rather have things nice and orderly tied up neatly with a pretty ribbon but that simply isn't the way things are in life right now. {for reals, though, is life ever NOT at least a little messy?}

messy. i think i'm pretty good at looking put together on the outside but the inside on most days? messy. it's been four months since i last blogged {almost to the day} and it's been four months since my life and my family's life was turned completely upside down.

i've followed Jesus for 26 years and have walked through challenges, difficulties, and struggles before but i've never had to face anything like this. i'm going to be honest {why stop now, right?;) } that it's the hardest thing i've ever dealt with to this point in my life. sometimes {most times} i'd rather keep the messy stuff to myself and most times that's appropriate, but sometimes it spills out on the "pages" of this blog and i'm learning to be okay with that. i'm learning to be okay with messy. this journey we call life? it's messy and if we're going to live it, we're going to have to face those difficult situations and challenges.

so here i am, four months {almost to the day} later and i'm still pretty broken and raw from everything my family and i have walked through, but the Lord has been so gracious, patient, loving, compassionate, and merciful to me. over and over i end up before Him with my hands outstretched offering up "the mess" because i've learned first hand that He is close to the brokenhearted . can i say that i'm thankful for these trials? i can't say that i'm there, yet, but i am so completely thankful for the Lord's goodness and patience while i've wrestled and struggled through all of this.

a lot of things have been uncertain over the last four months but there are several things that are certain. my God has been faithful, gracious, merciful, and compassionate as i've faced this messy, difficult journey.

praise Him...He is good.